That's a really sweet story. Always nice to get a little extra when you're really in need of it.
Hmm..I think the biggest thing I've been gifted was my oldest daughter. I have unbalanced hormones. My body produces too many steroids, specifically testosterone, for a female. I had been to endocrinologists (someone who studies hormones) and my OBGYN and both said that they thought I would have a hard time when I was ready to get pregnant-even while taking fertility drugs.
Well, I got pregnant with my first daughter unexpectedly. I was on birth control at the time even..lol. Even though she was a surprise I value her and what my relationship with her has done to my life. The story of my life with my children's hasn't been a super easy one..but a wonderful one because they're with me.
Long story short I was considering placing her for adoption while I was pregnant with her. I was 19. Had been engaged to the father (decided to dump him after I found out he had started shooting heroin..) and then was facing being a single mother. The thought of raising her by myself didn't bother me. I would do what ever it took to make sure she was ok. (still do
Even knowing that I would do what it took to care for her I wanted to make sure that I would be the right choice for her. I know that life is hard enough as it is when everything goes perfect that I didn't want to make her unhappy because I was not being fair. I weighed both sides, adoption and keeping her, very heavily. I thought about it for hours every day for months. I wanted her, but even more I wanted to do what was best for her. From filling out all the questioners that they have to help determine if you'd be what was best for your child I kept getting the results that they were about equal. So I was leaning more towards keeping her as that's what I really wanted to do. However, I was always worried that maybe it was my emotion clouding my judgement. So one night I finally spoke to her before I went to bed. I told her what I had been thinking about and how I felt. I then told her that I needed her to tell me what she felt was right and that no matter what it was that I'd always love and respect her.
I went to bed that night and I had a dream. I dreamt that I was up in my room with all my lights off and my blinds shut. I had decided to place her for adoption and was mourning her loss-I was devastated. While I was in my room crying I heard my parents come home (I was living with them at the time). I heard them talking to a baby that they had with them. I didn't think anything of it since my sister was due 2 weeks before I was. When they got inside they called for me. I didn't respond. The last thing I wanted to see was a little beautiful baby girl when I had just placed mine for adoption. They kept calling me until I finally went out of my room and went to the top hallway (in their house when you came inside the front door the ceiling went all the way to the top floor. Each floor had rod iron railings over the hallway so that you could see the front door from every floor) and looked down at them. I saw the baby that they had in their arms. It was my daughter. I ran down the 3 floors to them and saw her. She was only about 2 weeks old. The moment I saw her she woke up and looked at me. Even though she was just barely born when she saw me she said "Ma-ma." I woke up crying because I had my answer. In my dream I had done the unselfish thing and had placed her for adoption. I had put aside my personal wants in the hopes that it would be the best for her. She then choose to return to me and said no, you are what's best for me. You are my mom. To this day I still cry every time I tell that story.
